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April 25, 2005
Weekly Flash: 2005, April 25
LUVGALZ (Germany)
Worldwide graphics contribute to girls.
Bee Studio (Poland)
Taste the Bee!
BLITZ (USA)
Now they are BLITZ, just BLITZ.
Nine Spices (Romania)
Clean, modular and stylish.
Xenao (Russia)
Hard attention to details, nice scripting.
Posted by igor at 10:06 PM | Comments (552)
April 13, 2005
Abstinence -- why not?
Last night I was going to tap the asses of these two hookers who were trying to get my attention -- but then a thought occurred to me: Abstinence -- Why not?
Thank God I drove home to my wife instead.
While I was quietly congratulating myself on avoiding what would've most certainly been a life-threatening threesome, I remembered that one of Bill Clinton's foundations had pledged $10 million to fight AIDS in Africa. Would Bill too succumb to the all-too-common fallacy that condoms actually help prevent the spread of AIDS? Would he acknowledge instead that condoms serve only to encourage unsafe sex, which is to say any sex at all, because all sex is unsafe? Or would he simply promote oral sex as a justifiable alternative to, say, anal?
And would he do it with posters in English, featuring white people?
Blowjobs! Why not?
Why not, indeed. Africa was doomed long before our pithy public relations teams started pushing anti-sexual-relations propaganda -- in English, no less -- so I can forgive the "abstinence" blitzkrieg as harmless moralizing by morons, the same way I forgave my grandma for arguing with me that Liberace was straight. No, it's too late to shed a tear for Africa.
It's America that I'm worried about.
I think what this country needs, this cunt-ry, this out-of-touch, fat, listless shell of a nation, is a few good blowjobs. Forget a few good men -- have you seen the pimply-faced high-school kids who pass for our "army" in Iraq? Those poor saps hardly know which end of the gun is the "firey" part, much less what they're doing standing in the middle of a sand-covered oil pond directing traffic and getting their legs blown off by nail-bombs. If some of the hale and hearty Republicans in my neighborhood -- over 50f the country, if the last election is to be believed, which it's not -- would start driving their "W 04" bumper-stickered Humvees over to their local army recruiting office, we could win this thing! Of course, they'd have to buy their own armor plating to reinforce the sides, just like our enlisted troops do, but I'm sure they could charge it. Unfortunately, just like our President, Republicans are all for the war but they don't want to fight. Though they sure do like shopping and driving giant gas-guzzling tanks, the better to play urban commando in the Costco parking lot and drive up the price of gas for the rest of us who bike, or drive motorcycles, or even "cars."
The real volunteer army are people like my 70 year-old mom who drive Priuses instead of Lincolns; the people who refuse to overlook the fact that our leadership lied to, misled, and betrayed the public into thinking we were sending our sons and daughters to fight a war that would protect the United States, that would save us from terrorism and weapons of mass destruction; the people who stick to their convictions by refusing to buy the Fox line that ousting a petty despot was worth the deaths of thousands of Americans, that shifting resources from the Afghanistan conflict to iraq was a responsible move in the "war" on "terror," that refusing to support this unwinnable Vietnam rerun somehow means that you do not support America's troops. What better support could you offer than bringing them home to be with their families, their mothers and fathers, their kinsmen, where they belong?
So, I say blowjobs. Blowjobs for all. Big, slurpy sac-suckings. Balling from dawn to dusk. Knowing the facts doesn't help you. Writing letters to your elected leaders won't help you. Giving money to the Greens or the Dems? You might as well roll your bills with a little flour and paste and make a papier-mache mold of your own buttcheeks. Or spend them on a wet, sloppy blowjob. Which is my plan from here on out.
Fuck politics. Fuck keeping up with the news. Fuck journalism that ignores the facts, fuck editors and newsroom producers who favor ratings over facts, and fuck fake journalists who smear the name of their supposed profession by making up fake stories or taking GOP money to peddle shitty conservative ideas. And a special "fuck you" to uncle Toms like Jason Blair, Armstrong Williams and my old boss "the Reverend," a black man who actually voted for Bob Dole.
Now where's my goddamn blowjob???
Posted by chauncey at 04:40 PM | Comments (399)
April 12, 2005
Igor's Weekly Flash Top 5
Conclave Obscurum III (Russia)
How often do you say "Oh my God!" for a site?
OS3 (Poland)
Probably the most creative media studio in Poland. Wery well done -- stylish and clean interface with an impressive body of work.
Incognito Studio
Nice, fresh, clean, original. Do you want to add a word or two?
CROMM CRUAC
Can you comprehend digital madness? Just visit the above for an answer.
h u e . v i s u a l a b
Crisp and beautiful. Must see after the madness above for mind relaxation purposes.
Posted by igor at 01:30 AM | Comments (448)
April 01, 2005
Predicting the Future
Encountered two eerie futuro-regressive predictions of sorts today:
1. A recently posted report from the OSS (the CIA's maiden name) predicting Hitler's suicide based on his desire to "sacrifice himself and all of Germany to the revengeful annihilation of Western culture, to die, dragging all of Europe with him into the abyss." Damn, how I wish I wrote that sentence. A NYT article brings up the interesting point that the same proto-behavioral-psychologist who developed the report may also have been responsible for twisting the mind of Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, who unwittingly submitted to the psychologist's OSS-derived stress tests when he was his student at Harvard.
2. In Kurt Vonnegut's classic "Jailbird," a body-double of the wealthiest and most powerful corporate magnate in the world (forward-thinkingly inserted as a female) is found dead in a hotel room with her hands cut off, her handprints being the only form of "signature" recognized by her vast conglomeration of corporate holdings. In Malaysia, they'll cut off your finger for the much smaller booty of an S-Class Mercedes.
Posted by chauncey at 01:39 AM | Comments (818)